Monday, March 3, 2014


I realize I haven't written anything here in a very long time. I'm not sure if I will for a while. I haven't written anything anywhere for a very long time. I've probably read close to 20 books this year. All of them forgotten in a matter of 3 minutes on my living room floor. 

Many things forgotten. 

A lot of aimless staring. 

A lot of disassociation. 

All psychological defense mechanisms I have spent a lifetime cultivating are gone. Not out of humility or epiphany, but because I have forgotten them. 

Not by my own choice. 

I worry a lot less. I care a lot less. 

Not by choice. 

But because "me" has been numbed. Blunted. Distorted. 

Each evening comes a new headache. 

Each night a different nightmare. But those started weeks ago. 

My blood work is normal. 

My EKG is normal. 

The swelling in my tongue has gone. 

The attempted IV sites on my hands and arms are a sickening shade of green. 

My CT scan has "no evidence of acute intracranial pathology." 

People say stress. People say medication reaction. People say adult-onset epilepsy. 

I haven't had an MRI yet. 

I don't think I'm going to.