Sunday, June 23, 2013

Written by You K. Who

Sometimes I write to piss people off.  I've done it from as far back as I can remember.  Knowing that I have the ability to use words to challenge perception is something I realized when I was just a wee'un.  Pissing people off is really just a side effect of having one's perception challenged.  But it was something I really got off on as a kid.

What made it all the more fun was that I've always been pretty dark.  There are thinks that go on in my head that I have never put on paper or given a voice.  When I was a kid, though, I would say things.  The shit would just kind of fall out of my face before I had a chance to think.  And those things would kind of.  Well.  Freak people out.  At the time, I'd just giggle uncontrollably, not really understanding exactly why it scared the shit out of people, only knowing that the looks on their faces were hilarious.

Fifth grade.  Mrs. Ramsey's English class.  We were supposed to be doing some sort of menial assignment in groups of 5 or 6 students.  I happened to get the group with the Righteous Twins.  You know the ones.  Them.  I'm babbling on about whatever it was I used to babble about, and all of a sudden I say something about "almighty Satan."  I don't remember the exact conversation or my exact words, all I know is that those words were said with a flourish of body language and an incredibly creepy smile on my face.  Almost as if it were choreographed, the Righteous Twins stood up, turned around, and ran.  Literally RAN away from me.  The kids who stayed just sorta stared.  I, of course, am falling out of my chair laughing.

Did I know exactly what I was doing or was it a case of painful social ineptitude?  I don't know.  Maybe both.  All I know is that I have not matured a whole lot since then.  My kid went to church with a friend a couple weeks ago.  He texted me in the middle of it to tell me how uncomfortable he felt.  I told him to run up to the pulpit and holler "I am the devil and I am here to do the devil's work!"  Thankfully, my kid is much less socially retarded than I am.  I probably would have done it.

Believe it or not, none of it has anything to do with my religious beliefs.  Actually, there are probably 3 or 4 people on the whole of the Earth who know what my religious beliefs are.  What I do and why is nothing more or less than to challenge perception.  Not because I give a shit about human beings but because it is fun to piss them off.

Point blank.

My kid's been trying to do just that for the past 4 weeks.  One of his summer semester classes is called "Storytelling."  As soon as he saw the word in the summer class catalog, the look on his face was one I have had a thousand times.  Yet every time he turns in an assignment, all he gets are comments like "Amazing!" and "Wow!" and "You're so talented!" followed by an A+.  He couldn't be more pissed.  In his mind, all that means is that he hasn't sunk low enough yet.  And for my offspring, all that means is that babies are fixina hafta die.

I have decided I am going to write under a pseudonym.  It's the only way.  To get these thinks on paper.  To sink down into the very soul of the depravity that lights my fire is going to require some serious anonymity.  For me to let go.  Disregard mores and taboos.  Relinquish my responsibility over hurt feelings and sullied innocence.  To go beyond the social censorship that I never developed in the way that comes so naturally to other humans.

My little sci-fi adventure has turned into 70,000 words of everything that is wrong with humanity, challenging the line between man and animal, then pulling back and finding that overgrown third tine on the fork in the road where there is no man and there is no animal, just sickness.  Most humans refuse to go down that road.  I refuse to ignore it.  But that isn't the challenge.  The challenge is finding your way back.  That's the adventure.

And so.  I have decided that you will never see my name on any book.  My kid is convinced that people won't stop at burning my books until they've tied me up and burned me, too.

That sounds like it might hurt. 



  1. What a coincidence, no-one has ever seen my name on a book either. You keep on shaking up the pious and self righteous.
    Hail Satan!

  2. "How can you tell she's a witch?"

    "Well, she turned me into a newt!"

    "A newt?"

    "I... I got better."

    Cry havoc, young sorceress. And let the fire take the flammable.