Sunday, June 2, 2013

Half-Assed Shit About Annoying Verbiage With a Cool Song At The End

I understand that effluvient is not a word.  However, effluvium is.  I don’t understand why it cannot be accepted that effluvient would the be adjective form of effluvium.  Effluvia is its plural.  It would only be natural that effluvient would be its descriptive cousin, yes? 

Interestingly, this has bothered me for quite some time.  Other things bother me.  Words that people use incorrectly bother me. 

Regime v. Regimen-  C’mon.  Really?  Doctors do it all the time.  I feel every nerve ending in my ass stand on end and all I want to do is slap a bitch. 

Melenic v. Melanotic-  What the fuck?  One has to do with blood in your shit, the other has to do with the color in your skin.  Sorry.  Not even close fuckers.  Just go ahead and die, please?

Tympanic v. Tympanitic-  One is the sound a drum makes.  The other describes your belly when you’re bloated.  PLEASE STOP BREATHING NOW YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. 

Other shit that pisses me off?  Words I hate. 

Guffaw-  I’m sorry.  It’s just the dumbest word ever in the history of dumb words.  DUMB I TELL YOU!

Comeuppance-  Gimme a fucking pretentious break.  Doesn’t “That motherfucker got exactly what he deserved” sound much more interesting?

Vulva-  Ok.  Just stop.  Please.  It’s no different that describing the head of one’s dick as the “urethral meatus.”  I’d just…. You know…. Much rather not.  Pussy.  Cunt.  Snatch.  Twat.  Cooch.  Hell, even Vajayjay is better than VULVA.  God….. it’s sounds like that one aunt you get stuck talking to at every family reunion… you know, the one who brings a jello mold or pistachio salad.  Oh God! Here comes Aunt Vulva!!  RUUUUN!!!!



  1. Ohmigod I think I just had a linguistic orgasm. I am the exact same way. I've only ever taken two semesters of Hungarian (my dad's Hungarian and never taught me grrr), but when I heard my uncle order an omelette for breakfast, I swear I detected three mistakes in his sentence.

    I'm a happy little piglet at this moment, taking in the language in Maryland and learning things like "brown trout" and "summer teeth." They didn't teach me that in college :) A-and, I've noticed that Americans are dropping the past participle altogether, as in "I've ran" or "I've drank." I find it positively revolutionary.

    I would have to vote for effluvious as the adjective here, though. Whaddayathink?

    1. So my kid started a facebook "fan page" for my blogs. Because he apparently thinks the entire world should be privy to my foul ramblings. Well, someone sent a message on the fan page thingy that they were offended by the language in this post and asking me to take it down. Yes. Someone who purposely clicked the "like" button on the facebook page for the blog, right. OMG... my kid... fucking hilarious.... he pretty much told the guy to go fuck himself if he couldn't appreciate "my mother's colorful and oft times socially unacceptable brilliance." Poor guy had no idea what hit him when he messed with my offspring.

      I know you must be the happiest little girl on the planet right now ;-)

    2. This takes me back to my introvert-extrovert post. I cannot, and will not, ever understand people who think it's ok to want to control other people's actions to such a degree. You don't like it, you don't have to read it. Even commenting is fine. But asking you to take it down? Seriously? I love your filial posse. It's a sign of power when you have other people do your dirty work for you :P

      And I forgot to add 'wizard's sleeve' to my edification/ROFL list. Hope this doesn't offend your reader :D

      I'll be in touch by e-mail. I'm just a hot mess right now.

  2. My attitude is this: The purpose of language is to communicate an idea - to get a point from MY head into YOUR HEAD.

    If a word I say does that, then my communication has been effective.

    I OFTEN get my point across using words or sorta-word-things that are not technically correct. I'm okay with that.

    So effluvient it is.

  3. Look out - here comes Aunt Vulva! She's so effluvient, it just makes me guffaw!

    Am eye rite?