Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Still Writing

It is day 20 in the ongoing NaNoWriMo saga.  I've not missed a word count yet, though I haven't sailed past one, either.  

I have learned that leaving my work each evening in the middle of a sentence makes it easier to get started again the next day.  

I have learned that these two things frequently cited by some amateur writers and maligned by many successful ones are not merely quirky personality traits, they are personality faults that must be overcome, and are not, and will never be, conducive to being a writer-
1.  I cannot force myself to write. 
2.  I'm too much of a perfectionist.  

I'm guilty of having said both of those things.  And that fully explains why I have never written anything substantial in my life.  They are things I will never say again, nor concede to. 

I have learned that one's body makes neither exceptions nor concessions to the things it needs depending on your schedule or stress level.  This month, I have lost 7 pounds, had laryngitis and probably bronchitis, and now I have a UTI.  About 4 or 5 days ago, I got heartburn for the first time since I was last pregnant and it hasn't gone away.  I'm pretty sure my bladder is the size of a football and I would imagine it looks like the smoldering shit storm beneath Centralia, Pennsylviania.

I'm exhausted.  I'm still doing this while working a full-time job, doing motherly things, and alongside a kid who is also doing Nano, and who demands that we talk about it and compare notes. All. The. Time.  Talky McFuckingTalkerson. 

I have learned that this book will not be over on November 30.  Maybe 3/4 done. At worst, only 1/2 done.  It depends on what happens.

I have learned that my favorite thing to do everyday, when I sit down to write, is to read yesterday's words to remind myself where I am, remember the idea I had in my head the day before, then completely toss it out the window and do the opposite.  Every single day.   If I did anything different from that, I'd be bored out of my skull.  When I get bored, my writing is shit.  If my writing is shit, I delete it all back to the point where I got bored.  The I make people do a buncha bad stuff.  Then, it's fun again.  I win!

So, you ask, does good stuff happen?  In my stories?  Only if they work for it.  Don't nobody get a free ride on my watch.   Good things don't happen to good people, either.  Good things happen to the characters who spilled blood for it.  Lost fingernails.  Lost children.  Were forced to do horrible things.  Pissed blood.  Vomited worms.  Then, and only then, will good things happen.

That's the way I roll.  I'm a terribly cruel word-mother.


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2 comments:

  1. The fact your son is doing is great. The other fa t he won;t shut up about it? That's special.

    keep going. I'm glad I'm not doing this year as my novel is almost ready. GO YOU GO!

    and us boht thinking about alanis means we're kindred weirdo spirits

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  2. You truly are "fuckin go hard or go home" personified. Rockstar.

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