Sunday, November 11, 2012

Faces of Death

You don't understand.  You people will never understand. 
I don't get sick.  This just does not happen to me.  My body does not function the way your earthly bags of bones function. 
I am different.  
I am not human such as yourselves. 
When I get sick, I am pretty sure I am going to die.  
I mean, you just don't understand.  
See, I am coughing, right?  BUT..... it just doesn't stop with one cough!! OMG, there are like  50 COUGHS that happen before I can stop!! 
But it gets worse.  SOOO much worse. 
There is this alien substance that is being expelled from my body when I cough.  It's like.... like.... MUCUS!! Or plasma.  Or ectoplasm maybe.  Or it could be amalgamated boogers.  Dude.  I don't know what amalgamated means.  But it sounds really good with boogers.  
BUT.... it even gets worse!! You just don't get it!!
My skin.... it feels like... like.... HOT.  I mean, yeah, I'm pretty hot and junk, you know.  Normally.  But, this is different.  It's like.... I'm not doing anything, but it's like.... YUCKY!
And then... THEN!!.... I'm so tired.  You just don't know.  SO TIRED.  When I try to run, my body laughs at me.  It actually LAUGHS AT ME.  
I hate food.  Food is so gross.  ALL OF IT.  Gross!!
Except I really want one of those coffee shakes from McDonalds with the whipped cream on top.  That would be fucking FANTASTIC right now.... but I don't have one.  
Holy shit, I just threw up in my hand...... 
I'm totally not joking....


  1. That's nothing, I've had a chest infection and have been coughing like a barking sea lion for a month.
    And a man once shouted at me so loud that blood came out of his eyes.

  2. I got so sick last year I wrote a post where I put my respiratory system up for sale. I feel your pain.

  3. I have not been sick for quite some time and laugh at your pain.

    That's probably not the right thing to do...


    p.s. Love how you write.