I quit smoking on April 16 of this year. Cold turkey. Flat out. Even with a couple left in my last pack. I threw it away and never cheated. Not once. I didn't use patches or gum or meds.
I started smoking when I was 15 years old to impress a boy. Camel nonfilters. No shit. Never more than a pack a day. And I quit for both my pregnancies and during the time I nursed them.
I was doing yoga one day. Well, on April 16, obviously. And the girl in the video said, "every breath is a chance for joy." And it was just like that. I quit. Because I want lots of chances for joy. LOTS. Until I am dead. Which also played a big part in keeping me quit. The irrational fear of it, that is.
But I am ashamed to admit that I have filled that vice with others. Just as addicting. With an actual physical reward response when engaging in them, and an actual withdrawal when I cannot.
I chew an entire pack of gum every day. Sometimes more. That's 14 pieces of gum in a pack, my poison being Orbit Wildberry Remix. I chew it. And swallow it. Every. Fucking. Day.
I pick at the skin on my lips with a pair of tweezers. Until they bleed. Every. Fucking. Day.
My lips look like shit. And they hurt. And I don't care. I just keep picking. Chris even tried hiding the tweezers. I asked him to. But then I found them.
I ran out of gum and forgot to get more at the grocery store. So Chris went up to the store and bought 8 packs of gum.
I don't even want to know what my intestines look like at this point. I know human bodies digest gum and the "7 years" thing is just a wives tale, but there are ingredients in the gum that it takes longer to digest, and swallowing a lot of gum in a small amount of time causes it to build up before it has a chance to digest.
I swear to all that is good and holy, if I have to go to the ER because of a fucking bowel obstruction due to GUM, I will start smoking again.
Fortunately, if my lips fall off, I won't be able to start smoking again.
But seriously, I will never start smoking again.
Now I must go.
So that I can continue picking my lips until they fucking bleed.
And obstructing my gastrointestinal tract.
This is such crap.