Thursday, August 2, 2012

Going Rogue

Have you ever done that before?  Thought of words that sound great together, use it as a title for a blog post, and then have no idea what the blog post should be about? 

Yeah.  Me neither. 

Is that right?  'Me neither?'  I think it is.  

I remember when I was a kid.  Everyone at school made fun of me for saying "EYE-ther" and "NIE-ther."  Apparently, it is supposed to be "EEE-ther" and "NEE-ther."  I still don't know why I say it that way.  We all grew up in the same town, went to the same school, watched the same TV.  Why do I say it differently?  I don't know. 

It's frustrating being the mother of boys sometimes.  Especially boys who have.  Umm.  A following.  Kind of like their girl posse.  Why do girls do that?  Are we really that hard up for attention?  Do we relish the challenge?  The competition?  Why don't parents see this trait in their daughters and try to circumvent it?  I wish my mom had.  I see Blanky and Blankee and Blankie Sue standing on my front porch.  Ringing my doorbell.  For the third time today.  One twirls her hair.  The other stares through black eyeliner.  Another digs her toe into imaginary sand.  All ask, "Umm.... yeah.... can I talk to Andrew?"  in the very most hushed tones.  I crack the door and turn to see my youngest spawn standing behind me with the "I'M NOT HERE!!" face.  Gawddamnitalltohell.  I've had a talk with him.  About how bitches be trippin' and whatnot.  I've talked to him about letting girls down fairly and with kindness.  I've talked to him about not playing games and being rude.  He's a 15-year-old boy.  And he is still such a little boy.  He has so little interest in girls.  He wants a girl to skateboard with him, listen to Skrillex, and play World of Warcraft.  He wants to talk to chicks about the latest horror flick or doing kick flips or the next big dubstep band.  I just learned about dubstep last night, by the way.   I had to ask Andrew to show me what it was.  He was so proud that his momma asked him to show her his music.  His momma wishes he would learn that girls have tender hearts.  And if a boy breaks that heart, he does so at his own risk.  Because.  Well.  Bitches be trippin'. 

I've decided why I am having so much trouble just sitting down and writing.  I think I am allergic to writing stupid shit.  People say to just write.  Just do it.  Stop using the "I'm a perfectionist" excuse.  Stop allowing mental blocks to linger.  Just WRITE.  Well.  I've been doing that.  A lot.  Matter of fact, I have probably "just written" a whole book in the last couple weeks.  If you count everything I have written.  And then deleted 10 seconds later.  Sorry.  It sounds stupid.  It's dumb.  It doesn't meet my standard.  I refuse to allow it to stay on my computer screen.  Stupidity has no place in my brain.  It is not allowed to fall from my fingers.  If dumb stuff gets written,  I delete dumb stuff.  Full stop. 

Rest assured, however.  That when this book is finished.  It is going to rock your fucking socks off.  Maybe even some toes.  

My oldest little monkey child went to a concert with his Poppa the other day.  It was actually more like a day-long music festival.  I think that's what they call it.  Sort of like Lollapalooza.  Except with the kind of music he likes.  Ahem.  Dubstep ain't got nuthin' on "screamo."  Seriously.  OH. MAH. GAH.  But you know, it is because the boy can school ME in everything from Rammstein to The Police to Tenacious D to fucking Beethoven all in the same breath that I lay off the screamo stuff.  Not only that, but the kid can play it all, too.  On 4 different instruments.  I have no idea how he schools me on music from MY OWN fucking generation, but he does.  He knows shit I have never known.  Songs I have never heard of.  The stories behind the writing of the songs.   And then he plays them for me.  So.  Jake can pretty much listen to whatever the fuck he wants to listen to.  Because in truth, those bands are damn lucky to have a kid like Jake who is interested in them.  Sweet Jake.  Was so starstruck.  By these little screamy kids with black eyeliner.  

I swear to god you better shut the fuck up.  Stop laughing at my kid.  STOP IT!

Hmmmm....... too many choices.......
Christ on a fucking cracker, yo....
Here is what I know.  First of all, I have to pee.  
Second of all, I am very glad that my dog is walking.  I thought she was gonna die.  Because she is old.  And her back gives out on her.  Because she is a fat basset hound.  She has already had surgery once.  But she's not gonna die right now.  Oh hell no.  Fucking stubborn diva.  Bitches be trippin', yo.  Even four-legged ones. 

Thirdly, I really fucking have to pee.  

That will be all.  

For now.  
Oh, and I am really glad that I used the word "die" or any form of it only once in this whole post. 
Now I am going to pee.   


  1. I always ask Americans how they pronounce "(n)either," "presentation," and "finance," just for the hell of it. Oh, and whether they say "tennis shoes" or "sneakers." Sometimes it's fun to be a stupid foreigner :P

  2. Try being from Jersey were we tawk over cawfee while we wawk the dawg.

    So cute about the girl posse on your porch. Such an awkward and horrible age. There probably is a girl who would listen to dub step, skate, and play WoW with him but she's hiding in the corners of their high school because she won't be a girl that boys will want to hang with until college. The brigade on your front porch is pretending to be confident, grown-up women, and your poor boy is terrified because he senses they are impostors. It's all very tricky.

    I kinda dig dubstep. But I'd prob be more inclined to swap deep tracks and bootleg singles with Jake. \m/ >.< \m/ (that's emoticon me, rockin' out and throwin' up the horns)

  3. @Nicole...please don't mention that...I really REALLY don't need the feds on the hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of TV, Games, and music I've....WATCHED PLAYED AND LISTENED TO...yes...that's what I've done...

    P.S., third time reading this post, just like to see myself with Vampires Everywhere. Mom, you should have posted a picture of my singed Motionless In White Creatures CD too!

    P.P.S., shout out to my fans, you guys were a great audience, see you next week and log out safely!! THE KING HAS SPOKEN!!