Monday, April 23, 2012

Rungasm

Something really screwed up happened to me today.  This morning, actually.  While I was running.  Just a short run.  I'd just hit mile 4 and was on the way back home.

I'm not really sure how to even explain it except to just say it.

Ugh.

I started crying.

WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.

It was right in front of the other homeschooling family's house.  They are the weird religious kind.  They think we're the weird slacker kind.  We totally are.  But that's beside the point.  Actually, all of that is beside the point.

Yeah.  I tried to stop.  Let me see if I can explain.  It was spontaneous and intrinsic.  Native.  Primitive.  What else do I say?   Hmm.  There are only 3 other times in my whole life that I remember crying like that.

Time #1 was April 30, 1994.  I was 17 years old.  I was supposed to be getting married.  And I had no idea what finger the wedding ring was supposed to go on.  Right in the middle of the ceremony.  Yeah.  Seriously.  I think I actually said "Mommy!" Which made everyone laugh.... and made me cry harder.  But it was not sad.  It was sort of like.... elevated.

I'm not doing a good job explaining this, am I?

Time #2.  I was in a wheelchair looking into an incubator which held my 2-pound 13-ounce son who had an IV in his forehead and a blood pressure cuff on his arm that was so small, it fit on my thumb.  But I wasn't sad that day, either.  I was.... enchanted.

Time #3.  I was lying on a bed in an OR with my stomach slit from hip to hip, my OB's arms elbow-deep in my guts, and begging my husband to divert my attention away from the fact that I could see the entire surgery taking place in the reflection of the OR lights on the ceiling.  I was convinced that if I actually saw my own uterus or intestines or blood or fascia, I would probably vomit.  And I was scared that if I vomited while my stomach was gaping open, all of my guts would fly out.  Seriously.  I really thought that.  I'm not trying to be funny.  So anyway.  I'm trying not to look, right?  My husband is telling me the "Whoooooo's gonna stay with me this looooong, looooong lonesome night?" ghost story his Mammaw used to tell him when he was a little boy.  And all of a sudden, I hear this rabid cat squeal coming from my nether regions.  Well, a momma just knows when that rabid cat squeal is coming from half of her DNA.   So there came the ridiculous tears.  And then my husband shows me this little nasty blob of baby that was producing said squeal.  He was huge.  He had these gigantic fat fingers poking out over the top of his blanket.  A head full of black hair.   And I said, "Nooooo!! I don't have fat babies!  I only have 2-pound, 13-ounce babies!  Where the hell did that thing come from??!!"  Apparently, it was really mine.   But even these were not tears of sadness, but rather.... elation. 

So.

Ahem....

That is the way I cried this morning.  Mile #4.  Right in front of the weird family's house.  There was snot and sniffling involved.  And then I came home and Googled "crying while running."  Thankfully, I am not the only one this has happened to.

My husband says it was endorphin overload. 

I say it was a Rungasm.

I am sure I just took a nosedive into the mosh pit of Psychotown, but there ya go.

Feel free to poke me and laugh.  I deserve it.

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22 comments:

  1. Rungasm. Hmm, I like the way that sounds. I've not had that happen to me while running, but I have had unexplicable bouts of crying, while driving. Hard, from the pit of my stomach kind of crying. Drivegasm? :) -Sorry, I couldn't resist!

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  2. Great new term!!! I think I get Yogasms. :-)

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  3. Yet more reason for me NOT to run. Ever. Besides the DDs. LOVE this post.

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  4. Got to agree with Lolo. I hate crying and hate running.

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  5. I'll take any 'gasm any way they come. As often as they come. And even if they come publicly I won't walk away. I had one recently. A happygasm. Or maybe it was a blissgasm. I was just sitting there looking at the sea. He asked why I was crying and I simply answered "because I am happy".

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    1. That is perfect.

      And I agree. Any 'gasm. Any time. Any day. Public or private. I'll take it.

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  6. What a post. You had me the whole way, and yes, you were explaining it and I was getting it even when you thought you were going off-track. You were not. This was an amazing post on so many levels. I learned so much about you, even about your husband - in this one post about running.
    I loved the term rungasm. Have you heard of rebirthing breathwork? I think that this could be what happened to you - it's a spiritual practice (you can Google it) that I do - it's conscious connected breathing - in out/in out - and what happens in your body as you taken in and expel all this oxygen with the breath is your cells conjure up all the stored feelings and expunge them. I know it sounds absurd but I think that's what happened to you while you were running - it's called a "spono" or spontaneous session. Each time I do it I cry - heaving cries - a lot like what happened to you. Anyway I know I sound like a new agey freakazoid now but - loved this one.

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    1. I've not heard of that. Perhaps a bit outside my realm of understanding, but not new agey freakazoid at all! I do yoga pranayama every day, so I know that "high" feeling I get from that. And I've come pretty close to a "yogasm," as Erin so wonderfully coined in her earlier comment ;-)

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  7. Ha! I'd have to run to know at all what that feels like...

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  8. I thought I'd NEVER have a reason to run, other than trying to outpace a mountain lion. But I'm about ready to go out and buy some cross trainers.

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  9. I'd run all the time if I could have a rungasm. Only thing I get is leg cramps, which are definitely not the same.

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  10. This is fascinating. This might be your first spontaneous, um, rungasm. The other three times were around some pretty emotional events: your wedding and the births of your children. And at least for the last two examples you had some pretty powerful chemicals pumping through your veins: post-partum hormones and actual-honest-to-goodness anesthesia (which would totally explain why you thought your guts would explode out of your body).

    So what do you think of that angle? Ellen

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  11. Ok this is the best post ever!!! I am totally voting for you, and I can't believe you call four miles a "short run".......oh and "rungasm"= genius.

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  12. Great story, well told. Can I just change the subject for a minute and say that its pretty cool, impressive even that at 35 you've already been married half your life, and you're still happily married and with 2 kids. You must have found your 'soul mate' as they say. How wonderful. That might be well worth crying tears of happiness over.

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    1. Yep, Monday will be our 18th anniversary. My little 2-pounder is now 2 months away from 17 years old and 150 pounds of hairy, loud-mouthed teenager. The fatty is a 15-year-old bean pole who's an inch taller than his 5'11" dad. It's a circus around here, I tell ya. Oh, did I mention? I'm 4'6". Yay me!

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  13. I find I go through the strangest emotions during some of my runs, though I haven't had your experience. Sometimes it's a "holy crap! I can't believe I just ran that far!" sort of feeling, other times it's a runner's high...hmm, I'm curious now how often that happens.

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  14. Your thoughts about crying with your stomach gaping open and thinking that if you cried your guts would fly out of your stomach...even though I didn't have a C-section...I would have that exact same thought too. I'm sure of it. And also, I laughed. Sorry. But it was probably because I totally got you.

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  15. Oooh. Rungasm. Yeah, I'd love to have one, but I don't run. What about typgasm? Or blogasm? Or maybe just plain old Targasm?

    I think it's great that you had that cry. I'm all for spontaneous crying! You know Broadcast News? Great spontaneous crying scenes.

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  16. Maybe that explains why I have been so emotional since I started running! Possible reason to quit.

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