Saturday, April 28, 2012

In The Produce Aisle


Oh, please.  My lovely boy. 
Whom I birthed sixteen years ago. 
So brilliant and beautiful,
your words shine and shiver like a ruby in a tide pool.
BUT DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?

I know that face, when she’s had enough
and just wishes I’d give her peace.
But I hope she knows
this venting of thought, word, and soul
makes me love her the more.

How she does it, I’ll never understand,
that mother there with her boy
in the produce aisle.
I’ve not heard him pause for breath once,
yet she stands ready,
answer and ear undaunted.

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Your task, should you choose to accept, is to take a scene that involves (or affects) at least three people. You should then write this scene from the point of view of three of the characters, using 33 words for each character.

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19 comments:

  1. Very moving. And I liked the perspective of the stranger at the store...

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  2. rewrite to nearly 13 year old girl and you could have my grandgirl :)

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  3. Yeah, my boy's the exception to every rule. This is a true story, too. I even had to come home and take a nap. I love him more than the air in my lungs, but damn. DAMN.

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  4. Mine's only a few years away. I feel the same way about him. But, oh, am I frightened. Sigh.

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  5. I want to drop kick screaming little fuckers in supermarkets.

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  6. Nice, Tony. Heard one in Hobby Lobby the other day. I think I made fun of him way too loudly, as his mother seemed to growl at me. Fortunately, my boy is not a screaming little fucker. At least not anymore. He just fucking talks too much.

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  7. I like the interaction between mother and son and also the interpretation by the stranger. Made me smile!

    Both of my boys are chatterboxes. One at a time is manageable, though :)

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  8. I. Would. Die. Just die.
    I have a friend whose son is never silent. I do not know why she hasn't just fallen over dead. My kids can drive me batty, but they aren't talkers.

    Me? I don't know how my mother survived my childhood.

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  9. Brilliant take on the prompt. That first vignette is just perfect and you tie all three together seamlessly. You've absolutely nailed this one. Thanks for linking up.

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  10. "Sixteen years ago"?? Oh, jeez, I'm in for [at least] 13 more years of this incessant chatter?

    This was fantastic - a well-deserved win. I love how all three perspectives are in first person, yet it is absolutely clear that they are three different speakers. Brilliantly done.

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    1. Well, I also have a 15-year-old who chooses his words a bit more gingerly than his brother. I suppose you could say they are both at the extremes of their respective verbal natures. I have to bribe my youngest to chat with food and loose change ;-)

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  11. Sixteen can be so pompous, sophomoric, and endlessly chatty. You've captured the essence of this with so few words, and from the three points of view. I agree: a well-deserved win.

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    1. Pompous and endlessly chatty, oh yes. Sophomoric. Well. Lets just say that, once in a while, this kid can write me under the table. Thank you ;-)

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  12. Chalk this up under "stuff I'll never get to live" Cute story!

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    1. Since I don't know you well enough to know whether I should say "I'm sorry" or "you lucky woman, you" I'll just say thanks ;-)

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  13. Really wonderful use of the prompt. I particularly like the viewpoint of the bystander. Nice work.

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  14. Nah. This is total fiction. I am pretty sure that unless the chattiness is a new manifestation, she's used to it by now and has totally tuned him out.......... :lol:

    Oh my daughter, whom I birthed 10 years ago,
    Was that you talking again? I seem to have missed it............

    LOLOLOL

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