Friday, March 2, 2012

Widowmaker

The phone rang at 4 am.
Lungs swelled,
begging bones for mercy;
eyes dove into lambent blue.
Death’s door lay mute beneath a dancing thumb.
Panic rose.
Breath froze.
knowing surrendered to hush
the phone fell to the floor.


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This is my response to the Friday Trifextra:
"Complete the following story in exactly 33 words: The phone rang at 4am."


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13 comments:

  1. Wow. This is very good. So well written. Reminds me of that submarine movie, K-19: The Widowmaker, I think it was called. This deserves to win, or at least to be among the top three. You have captured the emotions in the story here so well.

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  2. The dive right into the body, emotion, moment was fantastic. I love the line "Death's door lay mute beneath the dancing thumb."

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  3. Words chosen perfectly for this ride: a swelling rise, a frozen moment to beg for mercy, then diving, falling, dancing, down. Beautiful.
    Came from the Trifextra linkup.

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  4. Wow.
    Killer phone, who'd a thunk...
    Really liked this!

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  5. All of your comments are very kind. I have to say, though, that it is interesting reading the different interpretations ;-)

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  6. "eyes dove into the lambent blue"

    damn...just damn

    Really, you do go into taht dream state when news comes through in the wee hours of the morning...great delivery. amazing.

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  7. Thanks so much for linking up to Trifextra. Remember, this weekend’s entries are being judged by the Trifecta community, so make sure you visit the site at the close of the challenge to vote. Our linking service will not allow you to vote for a link from the same computer where it was submitted, so plan ahead! Voting closes 12 hours after the close of the challenge. Winners will be announced with the Monday post. Hope to see you back then.

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  8. I like how the bones are begging the lungs for mercy. http://jesterqueen.com

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  9. The ups and downs are perfectly timed.

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  10. "knowing surrendered to hush." Love that.

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  11. "The phone. Fell through. The floor." um ... wow. Ya.

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