Sunday, December 11, 2011

Reign Falls

He sleeps, although he says not very good. I watch him sometimes. He isn’t a boy anymore. The boy I met in summer school that day. A school I should have never gone back to only a week after my sister’s funeral. I never should have been there that day. But I was. I was there. Perhaps because of the comfort of routine? Or to escape the deafening sadness of my house? For whatever reason, I was at school that day. In the hallway. At my locker. And so was he.

But he isn’t that boy anymore. Today, tonight, every night, I see a man. A father. A soldier. A husband. A patient. A friend. A hero. A man with one gray hair for every tear I have cried, for every vile word I’ve slung at him, for every bullet he has fired, for every friend he has lost, for every blood test and spinal tap and MRI and medication he has had to suffer.

He sleeps restless with dreams of things he cannot control. I put my hand on his back to feel him breathe.

He feels old, but he is not. He feels used, and perhaps he is. He feels broken, but he still has so many years left to run and play and work and build things and break things and grab hold of all sorts of things that he can control.

I will show him. All the things I feel and see and think when I lay with my chest against his back while he sleeps, or when he reaches over across the sheets to cover my hand with his. I will show him that he amazes me still. That he rocks me more now than he ever did when his body was shiny and new. That he infects me with his grin and melts me with his eyes even now, 18 years after the first time he put a spell on me.

He feels old, but he is not.

He is exactly as he should be.

And perfect in ways he cannot yet see.



  1. You, lady, know how to love.

    The ability to see your spouse for what they are, are not, and the perfection that lies in between, that is the soul of human connection. Ennobling and humbling.

    Thank you for reminding me that I had a reason to wear a big fat knowing grin on my face today.

  2. "The soul of human connection." Love it.